The Art of Stewarding Relationships
The apostle Paul forged numerous relationships during his ministry career. We have access to a few extra-biblical accounts of what his peers have to say about him,[1] yet the best source is his own thirteen letters cemented in Scripture.
In this article, I will briefly explain how Paul distinguishes his relationships and holds different roles with different people. My intention is to teach the importance of stewarding one’s relationships by defining and aligning those connections. This requires intentionality and investment.
Paul’s Many Relationships
Overall, 117 specific people are mentioned by and around Paul.[2] In addition, he often refers to groups of people, households, or house churches. He played five different roles in each of his relationships:- Friend
- Mentor
- Companion
- Authority Figure
- Fundraiser
Colossians 4:7 (ESV) — Tychicus will tell you all about my activities. He is a beloved brother and faithful minister and fellow servant in the Lord.
Ephesians 6:21 (ESV) — So that you also may know how I am and what I am doing, Tychicus the beloved brother and faithful minister in the Lord will tell you everything.
Philippians 2:25 (ESV) — I have thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier…
Men like Tychicus and Epaphroditus held a special place in Paul’s heart. These friendships were reciprocal, mutual, and equal. However, there were likely others he considered a close friend, such as Barnabas, who was the first to believe in Paul (Acts 9:26-27) and accompanied him on several ministry trips.
The most common word for “friend” in the Greek New Testament is philos (φίλος). Perhaps this word brings the city Philadelphia to one’s mind, “the city of brotherly love.” The term is used twenty-nine times in the New Testament.
Paul as Mentor
Paul had other very close relationships that were not reciprocal or equal. These were mentorships. At least two young men fit this description: Timothy and Titus. Take note that Paul mentions Timothy in every one of his letters except one.[3]
2 Timothy 1:2 (ESV) — To Timothy, my beloved son…
Titus 1:4 (ESV) — To Titus, my true child in a common faith…
In addition, Paul mentions a woman in his writings who functioned as a mother figure to him. Although he does not share her name, she obviously made a deep impact.
Romans 16:13 (ESV) — Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; also his mother, who has been a mother to me as well.
Paul as Companion
Paul had many companions; at least thirty men and eleven women.[4] Some of these were coworkers, others spent time with Paul during a specific trip or experience, and others were mere acquaintances along the way. Some of these companions appear to be relationally close to Paul; others not so much.
Paul avoids words like “brother,” “sister,” or “love” when talking about his companions. That need not mean they were not close; some of them likely formed a very close bond with Paul, especially after months of travelling together. Nevertheless, Paul does not speak of them with the same words used for friends.
He mentions numerous other individuals in passing, such as his lawyer, his scribe, or the man who kept his possessions whenever he was in jail (we all need a buddy who keeps our stuff while we’re in the pen, right?).
2 Timothy 4:13, 20–21 (ESV) —When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books… Erastus remained at Corinth, and I left Trophimus, who was ill, at Miletus. Do your best to come before winter. Eubulus sends greetings to you, as do Pudens and Linus and Claudia and all the brothers.
Titus 3:13 (ESV) —Do your best to speed Zenas the lawyer and Apollos on their way; see that they lack nothing.
Romans 16:22 (ESV) —I Tertius, who wrote this letter, greet you in the Lord.
Paul as Authority Figure
As an apostle, Paul also held a weighty role. He was an authority figure for the church at large and had to direct, challenge, encourage, and correct. He often addresses church leaders and members with specific instructions.
Acts 20:17-18, 28 (ESV) — Now from Miletus he sent to Ephesus and called the elders of the church to come to him. And when they came to him, he said to them… “Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.”
Philippians 4:2 (ESV) — I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 5:3 (ESV) — For though absent in body, I am present in spirit; and as if present, I have already pronounced judgment on the one who did such a thing.
Paul as Fundraiser
Church planters are fundraisers. And Paul did a lot of church planting. He was constantly networking with wealthy believers and challenging individuals and congregations to support God’s work financially. Paul acknowledges and thanks several benefactors in his letters.
Romans 16:1–2 (ESV) — I commend to you our sister Phoebe… for she has been a patron of many and of myself as well.
In addition to individual networking, Paul sent appeals to entire church congregations. He understood that ministry requires money, and God’s people fund God’s work.
2 Corinthians 9:5–7 (ESV) — So I thought it necessary to urge the brothers to go on ahead to you and arrange in advance for the gift you have promised, so that it may be ready as a willing gift, not as an exaction… Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.
Philippians 4:15 (ESV) — And you Philippians yourselves know that in the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, no church entered into partnership with me in giving and receiving, except you only.
Lessons from Paul
Relationships were important to Paul. The people in his life refreshed his spirit (1 Cor. 16:18; 2 Cor. 7:13; Philem. 7, 20), filled his heart (2 Cor. 7:3) and brought him joy (1 Thess. 2:19; Phil. 4:1; 2 Cor. 2:3). He tried to visit them often (1 Thess. 3:10; Philem. 22; Rom 1:9-10) and wanted to see them grow, have joy, and experience peace (Phil. 1:9-11; Rom. 15:13).We can learn two valuable lessons from studying Paul and his relationships. First, relationships are a stewardship. A stewardship is a “Responsibility to manage all the resources of life for the glory of God, acknowledging God as provider.”[5] The greatest resource God grants us are people. Steve Saccone, in his book Relational Intelligence, challenges us to steward our relationships with intentional effort and focus:
When we hear the word economy, we think in terms of finances… [but] the human economy is all about relationships. Relationships have a direct correlation to the quality of our lives. Unfortunately, many of us often give less-than-optimal effort, focus, and intentionality to maximizing how we spend, invest, and give in our relationships.[6]
Relationships are limited, temporary, and valuable. Many of us wish that we had more relationships or deeper friendships. We wish friends would never move, close coworkers would never switch jobs, and childhood BFFs continued into adulthood. Relationships are fluid, and people come into and walk out of our lives all the time. This is why relationships require continual investment and intentionality.
A second lesson we can learn from Paul about relationships is this: we are responsible for defining and aligning our relationships. Few things are more hurtful than assuming someone is a close friend, only to find out they viewed you as merely a coworker or acquaintance. We demonstrate kindness when are clear about our relationships and expectations. As Dharius Daniels writes, “We must be good at defining and stewarding our relationships.”[7]
Defining and aligning our relationships does not happen by chance. As we learned from studying Paul, it requires intentionality and sometimes role clarification. We need to create space or boundaries in some relationships. Proverbs challenges us to distinguish between friends and foes, or between wise and foolish people (Prov. 27:6; 14:15; 18:24). If we desire to grow closer to someone, investing more time and energy with them, there are steps we can take to steward a deeper friendship. “While is seems like chemistry ‘just happens,’” writes David Kim, “it’s actually something we can work to create.”[8] Our words and actions can create either clarity or ambiguity with those around us.
Relationship alignment is our responsibility. We are responsible for putting people in their place.… God has called us to certain levels of relationship with certain people. Not all people.[9]
[1] Both the apostle Peter and early church father Clement, who ministered alongside of Paul, spoke highly of him. See 2 Pet. 3:15 and 1 Clement 5:5-8. In Acts 20:36-37 and 21:10-16 we catch a glimpse of how his peers loved him.
[2] Kierspel Lars, Charts on the Life, Letters, and Theology of Paul, Kregel Charts of the Bible (Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Academic, 2012), 50.
[3] The book of Galatians. See Beverly
Gaventa, Romans: A Commentary, New Testament Library (Louisville, KY:
Westminster John Knox Press, 2024), 442.
[4] Lars, Charts on the Life, Letters, and Theology of Paul, 45.
[4] Charles W. Draper with Stewart Don
H., “Stewardship,” ed. Chad Brand et al., Holman
Illustrated Bible Dictionary (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers,
2003), 1534.
[6] Steve Saccone, Relational
Intelligence: How Leaders Can Expand Their Influence Through a New Way of Being
Smart (John Wiley & Sons, 2009), 11.
[7] Dharius Daniels, Relational
Intelligence: The People Skills You Need for the Life of Purpose You Want
(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2020), 24.
[8] David Kim, Made to Belong: Five Practices for Cultivating Community
in a Disconnected World (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2023), 70.
[9] Daniels, Relational Intelligence, 127.