Two-Way Prayer
The Art of Conversational PrayerHave you ever thought, 'Prayer is boring'?
I know I have. I used to feel that way all the time. My prayer life was monotonous. The same requests, the same expectations, sometimes even the same words. I tried different methods over the years to keep my mind from wandering: practicing the ACTS method of prayer, keeping prayer lists, etc. But it was still pretty boring.If your prayer life feels stagnant, the problem might stem from focusing solely on one form: Intercessory Prayer. This is when we come to God with our needs, or the needs of others, and ask Him to intercede. Intercessory prayer often feels like a one-way street: we present our needs or the needs of others, asking God to intervene and then waiting for a response. This is not an illegitimate or bad form of prayer! But I spent the early years of my life as a believer only praying this way. And it gets boring.
My perspective on prayer shifted dramatically when I realized it's meant to be a two-way conversation with God. Two-way prayer involves a dynamic exchange: listening, reflecting, waiting, and processing, actively inviting God's voice into the conversation. Instead of a monologue that begins with “Father…” and speaking continually until we say “... Amen,” we can learn to give Him a chance to talk, too.
If you want to learn two-way prayer, below are four methods you can try.
First, learn from the prayers recorded in the Psalms.
The Psalms in your Bible record the most powerful words (prayers), written in the most eloquent language (poetry), accompanied with the most beautiful sounds (music). The psalmists can teach us how to pray. Take a few days to read slowly through the following Psalms and reflect on how these writers approached God in prayer.Psalm 42. Observe how the psalmist grapples with deep depression. He actually talks to himself - to his own soul - as he prays. He writes, “Why are you cast down, Oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” (v.5) Then he expresses these feelings to the Lord, saying “My soul is cast down within me… Why have you forgotten me?” (v.5, 9). He expresses his feelings, asks hard questions, and searches himself. He asks God questions and reflects on what God wants him to do with his depression.
Psalm 139. Psalm 139 offers a powerful example of meditative prayer. The writer invites God to evaluate and redirect him. He states, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Imagine the writer, having offered this vulnerable invitation, pausing in expectant silence for God's reply. In these moments of meditation, God can bring specific actions, underlying attitudes, forgotten omissions, and unspoken expectations to our mind. Let Him speak to you.
Psalm 145. This is a prayer of praise. The writer reflects on God’s goodness and greatness. He remembers God’s faithfulness and provision. He proclaims that God listens and satisfies the desires of those who love Him. Emulate the psalmist's approach by intentionally reflecting on and praising God's character and actions.
Second, try a prayer of recollection before bedtime.
In Psalm 131:2, the poet writes “I have stilled and quieted my soul.” The practice of recollection is simple yet insightful. Set aside 3-7 minutes in the evening to try this, and do it for several nights. Here’s how:At the end of your day, perhaps right before bed, stop all activity and ask God to speak into your day. Close your eyes and think back: from the moment that you woke up until now. Imagine your day unfolding as if you were fast-forwarding an old video. As your day unfolds in your memory, allow the Holy Spirit to pause the playback at significant moments, revealing deeper truths. You may find yourself pausing at a discouraging comment someone told you. You might smile when you remember encouraging news from the day. Perhaps the Spirit will reveal a sin you committed, like a poorly handled situation, a flash of negativity, or a subtle act of greed or hatred. Perhaps He will focus your attention on a victory from the day, like a good deed or great sacrifice you made. Allow God to remind you of your feelings throughout the day; moments of joy, fear, excitement, shame, thankfulness, boredom, and so forth.
At the end of this exercise, act on what the Lord showed you. Do you need to thank God? Do you need to confess a sin? Do you need to make a call or send a text? Do you need to act on an idea? Do whatever you believe the Lord wants you to do with the information He shared with you.
Third, practice prayer through processing.
Invite God into your mental processing. Philippians 4:6 is a great example of this kind of praying: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.” Likewise, 1 Peter 5:7 challenges us to “[Cast] all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”What does it actually mean to “cast our anxieties” on God? How exactly does one “present requests” to God?
The answer lies in processing with God. We all have experience with internalizing our anxieties and desires. We ruminate on our situation, we imagine conversations, we worry about our problems, we plan and strategize answers, we roleplay our issues, and we mull everything over. This rumination is natural to our humanity.
What would happen if you ruminated… with God? You can turn your anxieties into prayer by thinking, and analyzing, and strategizing, and catastrophizing - not in your own head, but with God through prayer. “Father, I’m worried about this. If this happens, I’ll run out of options... I think this is the right course of action, but there are other ways around it... If I talk to that person, here’s what I plan to say... I think this is what’s going on... Here’s how I’m feeling about all this...” Our internal rumination can be transformed into articulate prayers.
All of us imagine conversations, ruminate, and worry. But most of us do that in our own head, and never invite the Lord into that processing. Casting our anxieties on God, then, involves consciously using our internal thought processes in prayer.
Romans 8:14-24 tells us that the Holy Spirit can communicate back and forth with our own spirit. We are led by the Holy Spirit (v.14) and He bears witness with our spirit (v.16). Furthermore, the Holy Spirit “groans” with us, “intercedes” for us, and knows what we want and need even when we cannot articulate our thoughts or do not know what to say (vs. 26-27). Invite the Spirit to pray with you.
Lastly, try praying scripture.
Praying scripture back to God is a practical way of listening, interpreting, and understanding God’s word. Martin Luther explains how to pray scripture in his book A Simple Way to Pray.I am the Lord your God, etc. You shall have no other gods before me,” etc. Here I earnestly consider that … my heart must not build upon anything else or trust in any other thing, be it wealth, prestige, wisdom, might, piety, or anything else. Second, I give thanks for his infinite compassion by which he has come to me in such a fatherly way and, unasked, unbidden, and unmerited, has offered to be my God, to care for me, and to be my comfort, guardian, help, and strength in every time of need … Third, I confess … for having fearfully provoked his wrath by countless acts of idolatry. I repent of these and ask for his grace. Fourth, I pray … preserve my heart so that I shall never again become forgetful and ungrateful, that I may never seek after other gods or other consolation on earth or in any creature, but cling truly and solely to thee, my only God. (pg. 92-93)
Take any verse from scripture and recite it back to God in four ways: First, as a command. What is God asking of me or trying to tell me in this verse? Second, pray the verse as thanksgiving. What truth or principle does this reveal, and how can I praise God? Third, confess the times you have disobeyed, underappreciated, or avoided the application of this verse. Fourth, ask for God’s help in obeying and applying the verse.
It may surprise you to hear there are numerous ways to pray.
In the Dictionary of Christian Spirituality (2011), Charles Nienkirchen writes,Evangelicals have tended to regard prayer solely as monologue, that is, humans speaking to God, there is evidence of transdenominational stirrings of interest in the practice of listening prayer that has deep roots in Christian prayer history. (p.169–170)
Many of you, like myself, may have primarily been taught intercessory prayer within church traditions. To be clear, this kind of one-way prayer is not wrong! The only wrong way to pray is not to pray at all. But learning to listen as we pray is formative to our spiritual life.
I’ve given you four methods to try above, but this is only a primer. The Spiritual Disciplines Handbook (2005) teaches 17 different ways to pray: breath prayer, centering prayer, contemplative prayer, conversational prayer, fasting in prayer, fixed-hour prayer, inner-healing prayer, intercessory prayer, labyrinth prayer, listening prayer, liturgical prayer, prayer of lament, partner prayer, praying scripture, prayer of recollection, prayer walking, and welcoming prayer. My intention in sharing this isn't to overwhelm, but rather to ignite a sense of possibility – your prayer life can be rich, varied, and far from monotonous.
All of us can improve on our prayer life. Start with prayer. Invite God to speak to you as you call out to Him by creating space to listen.